My Incredibly Cool OC Joins Team RWBY for the One Hundredth Time
by Cornonjacob
Summary: More accurately, Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles Joins Team RWBY and Has Wonderful Adventures. The title didn't give me enough space to talk about how awesome this OC is. Cool stuff happens. Yeah smut. Cardin gets crapped on which is nice. Destroy cis scum. I hate OC stories.
1. Noice boner

Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles Joins Team RWBY and Has Wonderful Adventures

Oringinal Character sand, do nut stealf

I don't own any

Chapter nOne: Noice boner

"Team RWBY, it has come 2 my attetnion that u suck." Ozpine stood up and sit down and dronks his couffee and sit up and stood down.

The headmister cuntinues, "And that is y you are gettin htis new teammate who wil replase Ruby as beam leader."

So this fuckin grill phases threw the wall. She is smirking and it is obvious she is numeral uno hunter numba one and she very beautiful ands all the Beacon boi and girl want to get in pants and like her because she very beautiful. Also she head full of smart and she ownsn the stock market and is richer than Weiss but she am no hate faunus like fadda company.

The hawt girl gives Yang hte pointer finger and she poses and is like, "Your next line is, "Who the fuck are you, and you can't be better than Ruby!", toyou!"

"Who the fuck are you, and you can't be better than Ruby!" Yang shouted angrily, and then made a vaguly Japanese gasping sound as she reelized that she's completely stupid.

"Becase she is you new team leader, the name of team is goiong to half to change. No mors team RWBY, it is now team GOD RWBY." Izpon stood down because his boner was sit up and erecshen from how intellijent Mrs. Brando was just.

As Sir Mikasa Wingates Hellsing punched Yang in the mouf to prove her dominace, in the background, DMX was telling everybody about the X giving the gonna 2 ya.

Yang wakes the up in Godwitch's wombat class becase Ruby, Wiess, and Brake had to carry her fat asss the hole way because it was her fault and Lady Dragneel was tooo good for that and got her nails don by the archangel Metatron.

"Listen up motherfuckers, we hve a new studont and well I'm shit. She is the chosen one of profecy and she's goin save us from Grimmp." Profaster Goodwish saids.

Our hero stood up and sit down, "Thank you professor. I am happy to attend Beacon Academy. My name is Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles." (JESuS CHRisT i THink I jUST hAD AN aNEurYSM FroM havING To TyPE ThAT NAME AGaIN)

So the teach is like "Come intoo the arenu child, so I can set lose this Goliath so u keel it and everybobby can c how sugoi u are." and she sets a Goliath free and I don even know how it fit into the fuckin room but it's my story so fuck you.

The Goliaf breath out and the breath stink but hte real problemo is that it shoot fire, ice, electric, poison, darkness, metal, light, air, bug, and fairy at Uchiha.

She eats the breaf and get soup strong and shoots back at Goliath, whih die.

"Fortunately, my foster father is many different dragons fused together into one unholy abomination, and he has trained me in the arts of the dragonslayer. I can eat ice, poison, electricity, fire, darkness, light, metal, air, insects, fairies, and much more, safely ingest them, and increase my strength proportionately."

"Bitch, dat is jus modderfuckin kawaii." Goodwhip complimentary and all teh sdutents clapped.

All except one, Cardin Winchester, who is jelly that new girl is being stronker than him, butt secretly, he arrogent and he also wont to stick his dingy dong in Kurosaki's harem master becuase he is jacksass.

"Boo! You suck ball! I challenj duel and not wit children card game, and I'm going to fight you, and I'm going to kill you, until you're dead, today!" He moronlicaly shooted.

Goodwitch startet the duel and Miss Coldsteel smriked again because she iss cool and strong. Cardin churged forward wit his shitty mace that isnnt even a gun or a can of self defense aerosol.

"Za Warudo! Toki yo Tomare!" Mikasa shouted as time stopped beecause of she, and her beat the shit out of Cardon's assface, but to everybod else, it looke lik she destroy Carding instantlee.

"Because that's my ninja way!" She shouted.

And the whole train applauded.

* * *

Yang went all up in Coldsteel's grill while the new leado of team GOD RWBY was in the midddle of her daily werkout of one hundred push-ups, one hundred sit-ups, one hundred squats, and a ten kilometer run in the middle of the dorm room.

"I'm sorrry I try defend Ruby and insalt you even thoug you are so kewl and more stronger than my leedle seester." Yang apolojizzed.

"I know one way you can repay me." The knew temmie leader sad sedusively ass she froze time again and took alla Yang's clothes, and then they sleeps togeether and Rubby cries beacuse she can hear everything. She also got Yong's consent whilstt tim was frozone.

to bee cuntinued.


	2. Ur a wizard fairy

Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles Joins Team RWBY and Has Wonderful Adventures

Oringinal Character sand, do nut stealf

I am no Rooser Teeft Man

Chapter zapDos: Ur a wizard fairy

Sophia Brando woke the fuck up an instantanesly alert and ready becase she is train 4 the sooprise. She stretch out an yawn from her super deluxe bed creaate by alchemy by fusing the foor bunk bed togeether, and the rest of tem GOD RWBY minus GOD now sleep on floorl where they belong.

"DING DONG." The skool bell shouted at the studont body and like 5 of studeent shit themself because they just wonta sleep but it is soon to being class time.

Weiss pulls out secret photo of her sester, Winter, with Qrow from the CHRISTMASM party and shudders until she wake up, and go into baffroom to whore the hella up.

Ruby Nose rocks back and forf in the middel of all the dride doge turd Zwei leaf in the corner, and her cape is as red as hur eyes. She didnos get to use hte sleep from trauma of bigger sistur getting bang in same rom all the night, and now appears it has that Yang's neck is broked from all that head. Yang's neck is shit but it'll probobly get better.

And finaly butt not least, Blake Belladonut. She also like Rubsy keep all nigt up by the Yang bang except Blale was touchin herslef and thinking about ninjos and love and ninjas of love and maybe Naruto characters what a fuckin weeb.

"Za Warudo!" Sophia shouted as she froze tim becaus Weiss was taking so longe in the bathroom that Ruby shet herself making it like 6 studeent and she almost make them late foor Profecer Port's class but since time is pausu, Sophia make like Santa Clausu and run 2 class and throw her team int their seats b4 unpause the time.

"Hoe hoe hoe!" She smoothly shout since she makes like Santa Clausu but there an "e" at the end of "ho" as compare to Sophia the god, her team is paid female company and she said it 4 times not three because there are at least 4 of them but not 5 or mor.

"Good morning class but acshually welcum 2 Hell it's Monday. And wii have new classmaty. Heello dear, you've probably herd of me. It is I, Professor Porn, but you cn just call me Professor Penis as I m fond of giving out the sextra credit. It's illegal, but I say phuck it, it's legal."

Like, holy shit, if you could see Sophia Wingates Hellsing's face, you would know the meaning of the word damnation. The pure and unadulterated hatred emanating from her visage was nearly enough to spark a rampage of the Grimm in the Emerald Forest, never before had the world of Remnant experienced the deity slaying level of resentment that was almost physically manifesting from Lady Mikasa's eyes. Most semblances were not even as powerful as the forces of her condescension at that very moment, which seemed as if they could open the gates to the afterlife and end the miserable existence of every faunus in Vacuo. Only Port's sheer mustache was filtering out her rage and keeping him oblivious. That was when all her classmates found out Sophia was half angel and half demon and half secret military project or something, which means she's the best and most unique original character I've ever made.

"Now I'm giong to start furiousry stroking my own ego whic will sumhow teach u kids..." Porto begin the story of whic no true but than

"You shut your fucking mouth, I'm taking over your class because I am a better huntsman than you!" Sophia declared, which was 100% absolutely true that.

"Crazy Diamond!" She said, before Pores could do bulshit. A humanoide spirit mannifested behind her.

"DORARARARARARARA!" She shouted as she made her power rapididly punch Port's desk restooring it to it's orijinal components, turning it into hundreds of pizzas.

"Ur ass is grass!" Port anrgily screeced in fury beecause he was mad, "Im going too kill you so hard you die 2 death!"

"Yare yare daze." Sophia grumbled as she fired tendrils of spagheti out of her eyballs, which proceded to imobilize Port, who was unable to eet his wae out of his binding ass he is allergic to nuts.

nd everyone was like "woah you are so cool" 2 Sophia exsept for Cardint who was giving Velvet a wet willy in all foor of her fucking ears. Hwat the fug he broked his spine and licked his big toes so he couuld shove them in one pear of ears wile his fingers did the other? Wat the fuck happined? Also his dick was in her mouthh bu that wasnt realy important. Honestry it was prubably the most impresive thing Curdin maneged to do, ever.

Sophia gave Carbin the show him what fore.

And everybody cheered Sophia because she throw pizza party class and was everybudy's besto friendu and everybobby enjoyed delicious pizza except Cards because Lady Brando shattered his jaw.

to bee cuntinued.


	3. when u mom com home and make hte spaghet

Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles Joins Team RWBY and Has Wonderful Adventures

Oringinal Character sand, do nut stealf

This sauce material is no property of me

Chapter ThWRYYYYYYY: when u mom com home and make hte spagheti

Sophia Brando was in hte bathroomba beecause she had eaten and finishd digesting dozens of other peeple's inferior oringinal characters, and now she was in the stall taking a massive shit, and it wus glorbious.

The moment was perfect, and the feat would never be replicated in the future. Her sphincter widened in preparation of dropping a weapon of destruction as if it was the eye of Balor opening and decimating a battlefield, the calm and tranquil waters of the toilet trembled in anticipation of receiving this fertile gift. With a small burst of effort, the leader of team RWBY clenched her rectum in order to facilitate the crap clump with anal pressure, as she has practiced and perfected over her lifetime of having to dispose of solid waste matter from her body after consuming the souls of haters utilizing a natural biological function. The turd serenely graced the surface of the waters at the center, emanating joy and good fortune around the world such as the ripples harmonizing with the toilet. The ass dropping slowly revolved, aesthetically pleasing and perfectly shaped and weighted, as if it had been sculpted and polished by the maidens themselves. The fecal masterpiece carried the fragrance of fresh mangoes and the tears of virgins.

"Star Platinum!" Sophia stated, manifesting a muscular, purple spirit behind her, which proceeded to pull out the toilet paper and use its powers of perfect precision to fold a perfect square of ass wipe and perfectly and precisely wipe her ass with the square of ass wipe which was constructed to wipe ass.

"I am become death, destroyer of worlds. ORA!" She shouted as Star Platinum scooped up the shit and threw it through several walls into the dorm of CRDL, before promptly exploding in a great mushroom cloud.

Sophia smirkd and stood up aftir shit down and pantsu pull up and stand down. She kik door off stall wit hot leg whil hands in pockets becuase she is souper sugoi. Den she wish her hands in sink wit water frum sink, and Emerald was washy ass well but drool thinkin about Sophia's beautiful hands going in Emeralt's face maw.

"Hoo in face r u?" The ambiguously brown theef askd Sophia 4 fysical attaction and also she worri that somebooby as stronk as Sophia would fuck up the Cinder planp.

Sophia proceded to pose real dramatic and fabuloos, so muhc that anybody else try 2 pose like that break their back and mama back. The fuckin ebony poynter finger on the mannicured hand of Sophia is now in Emerald's prostitut faec, which can no hide secretes frum Sophia's Sharingan eyes.

"Emerald really steals? No dignity." Sophia gossips aboot Emerald str8 2 Emerold's face, as Sophia is able am tell that Emtrald is not real student sand and she up 2 no gud, strating trabu in mai nayborehood.

The probobly black lady who coincidentaly happens 2 bee a theif try to run like am Sophia being the polizzi fuck hte polise cumming strait from undergarment poopy is brown. She is tri too distact Sophia wif illusionary of naked Pyrrha and Adam and Garbett Stroder and Aubarn Pearult and it was hot not real orgi eggscept it did no worko becase Sophia have speecial eyes brand but even if it work it still don work as Sophia's standards r real high, like higher than how high Qrow is but Qrow is actualy drunk nut high he drink alchohal which not make high four twenty blaz eet.

When Emerauld realised that she was not goin to escapee from Sophia, she pissed herself horibly but it alright, they r alraddy in women's batroom. Good fing for her that Sophia decided thaat whatever up to no good trubble in hte neighberhoot was nott werf her time and having to smeel the soiled pee in pantaloon, so Sophia skedaddled to go sell Weiss tue the Roman Torshwick who then sell 2 White Fang lik in "Das Leiden von Schneeweißchen" whic is my favorito bedtim story.

"It's called hentai. And it's art." Sophia whispered, quoting Stan Lee from hte Offise.

Ermeald lost some lien n blacked out, teleport to the pokemom center.

to bee cuntinued.

* * *

Alrighty you losas, I started a so gibe your cash money so I can eat and get fat, then shit real bad and publish that shit. I decided that taking away your will to live and intelligence with my fics was am not enough, so gimme the dosh.


	4. They don't think it be like it is but it

Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles Joins Team RWBY and Has Wonderful Adventures

Oringinal Character sand, do nut stealf

Do I look like I have intelligence or property or intellectual property?

Chapter Fork: They don't think it be like it is but it do

Aphter all the bullshitto that is Beacun becum, Rooby accidentally inhale Pyrrha's asses after she am incineron fire, unlock her silver eyes power, and den poop on Cinder's perfect plalp keikaku, and now at hom wifh doting fadda Taiyang Xiao Long

"How ya fuckin donging?" Taiyang expleted like an short wearing fuck as his doughter (hte one he actchewly care aboot and is nut cripple-dipple), but he coold alreddy tel by smell that Rubby shit the bed again.

"Daddeh, I shit the bed again." Ruby excplainmed as she flooped outta the sheets and wiped her Dr. Philthy asshole on the nice carpet.

Large daddy Tieyane made a parental sound of exassperation ass he realyzed he wood just hav 2 throe out the hole room now and git a knew one.

The sounds off the construktion of Ruby's new roome completely shitfucked Yang's consentration, and she fail 2 build proosthetic arm out of the macarooni arts n crafts, which make Yang nut say she familiol love Rubby back.

"Looks like you all need to cheer up." This souper sugoi voice came intoo the house. It was Sophia Brando.

There she was, she jump throug and brake Ruble's new window, and Rubel shat the room agen and they gotta start ober, but it am Oh Key Dough-Ki as whole famrily is now happy that reelly awesom friend is now here.

Raby wass so exsited thas her silber eye power dick kickemed Penny's artificial soul str8 2 Hell.

Yang stoped beeing deepressed for half a crack.

As for the fatherman, Ruby is red, Taiyang's familry jewels r bloo, he am fail to impregnant womben in fitty yeers, this poem rimes like the ancient mariner.

Tieyang swivels his ocular organs in hes eye socksets, and he sees Sophia so hardd that his sunny D is also hardd, and it is burning a hole threw his pantaloons. The big boi father dude excuse himslef to go too Ruby's new rume which wassu still under constructon, and he paint the walls white.

At thes point, Rouby was so fuckin excited, that has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to look more like languiage san?

"ASS DICK WHORE SHIT PAINTBRUSH QUEEF SLUT FUCKER FAGGOT BITCH CHEESE CUNT QUEER COCK DOUCHE CUM LAWYER WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SOPHIA MY SILVER EYES ARE MAGIC DO YOU THINK I'M COOL NOW?" Ruby verbally spasmed out loud ands it wass somefing like that so I just translate the foist part by typing out halft the big boy words I no (in all craps too because I am hard core).

"No." Sophia replied, and Ruby was so disappointed, half her entire face was blown off. And then she shat herself again. And then the rest of the face came off.

Now Robby's color scheeme is brown insteada red, but it does can not even matter because Rubsy is not mane charicature, but it is Sophia Brando, but cloaky still smellss like hot hot toilet eating up yer mom, so Sophia activated her own silver eyes power.

Divine light emanated from her eyes, and another figure came forth.

"「Made in Heaven」!" She shouted, materializing a bizarre centaur like figure. Time began to accelerate so fast that Taiyang had managed to impregnate the drywall, people started caring about the faunus, and then the universe imploded, resetting itself into a new reality, which is exactly the same reality where Sophia is the greatest thing that will happen in any existence, except now Ruby's diarrhea is replaced by diabetes.

In this new timeline, Ruby ate a cookie, and felt the distinct urge not to blast ass.

to bee cuntinued.

* * *

Translator's Notes:

「Keikaku」 means "plan"

「Yang Xiao Long」 means "Smaller asshole light in my eyes dargon"

「Taiyang Xiao Long」 means "Big dicked fucker cancer-inducing UV rays draco"

「Gibe all hte cash」 means go to my and give me the money I don't deserve


	5. I'm not Rick Harrison

Lady Mikasa Kurosaki D. Coldsteel von Hedgheg Wingates Hellsing Dragneel Uchiha Brando of Versailles Joins Team RWBY and Has Wonderful Adventures

Oringinal Character sand, do nut stealf

If I am owning actually copywright, I wold be in eleventy hookers and not in hte poorhouse

Chapter 5: I'm not Rick Harrison, it is now time for this to become a self insert fic in this new universe

On my latest involuntary trip on Family Vacation Hell, I was somehow stupid enough to get hit by a bus in a foreign country. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was a shattered moon in the sky as I was lying on my back in what was probably not the same street I was brutally mangled in.

"Hello, are you okay?" a voice addresses me in an adorable Australian accent, which would explain the fucked up moon because everything is fucked up in Australia.

The second thing I saw after my sudden and inexplicable transportation to what had to at least have been another country was a girl with real rabbit ears. Two things happened in quick succession.

The first was that I soiled my pants with intense ass blasting because I was not some sort of furry degenerate. The second was that I realized with certainty that I had arrived in the world of Remnant in the fictional universe of RWBY, a web series that isn't even that particularly good but has improved vastly since it's inception, and that I still thoroughly enjoy.

"「Heaven's Door」!" I shouted, activating the Semblance I knew I probably had since you get all sorts of wacky powers in self inserts. Velvet saw my Semblance and immediately fell under it's thrall.

「Heaven's Door」, my Semblance that is totally my own original thing that I did not steal, I promise, is a Stand I mean Semblance that must be activated by shouting it's name in English marred by a heavy Japanese accent. Whoever sees it unravels into paper, with text and pictures written on it that details every detail about the victim's life. In addition, I may write things onto them in order to impose certain rules, such as "I can not harm Cornonjacob.", which would render Velvet unable to even tell her team about my Semblance, as that would be an intentional act that would likely result in my death.

Because this self insert universe gave me the perfect opportunity to live out my thirstiest fantasies online and be the hentai protag with the really shitty haircut that covers your eyes, as all self inserts are meant to do, I decided to grope Velvet's chest. Unfortunately, my involuntary and rather unreasonable hatred of furries caused me to subconsciously use my powers again, and her knockers unraveled into paper as well. I had no choice but to wipe my shit covered ass with the poor bunny faunus' titties.

"God damn it, why are her breasts so rough? Why is she secretly for realsies worst girl?" I bemoaned as I began to bleed out of the several cuts that Velvet's sandpaper udders had sliced into my sphincter.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY WAIFU!?" A very angry voice screeched, coming from a Coco that had inconveniently been just around the corner out of my sight and had shown up now.

"「Heaven's Door」!" I smugly shouted, with the generic smirk the male anime protags these days like to use. That shit eating smirk disappeared as I realized that Coco was so angry, she was blinded by her rage and could not see the badly drawn MS Paint porn I was holding up to channel my Semblance.

She spun her minigun up and open fired on me. Since I'm really just a Chinese kid who's dealing with college and emotional issues, and did not actually have any real combat skills or a physics defying weapon that all the RWBY boys and girls have, and did not have time to get them, not even in self insert unrealistic short time because I've only had one chapter, I got to be featured on the other side of a Bastion's easily gotten Play of the Game.

Somehow I barely survived. That was when I got hit by another bus and returned to the real world, which is a pretty fucking terrible fate.

But if one good thing had come about from my lack of instant badassery upon entering a self insert, it was that my complete ineptitude had managed to alter fate itself, causing Sophia Brando to lose 「Made in Heaven」, and to an extent, everything was made right again.

In hte new unverse, wihch almost maches the canon set by Rooser Teeft, efter the fall of Beacon and deaf of Piyrha, Rubey and the Remnant (HaH geddit?) of team jNPR travels accross the land, searching far and wide for that one place while Qrow folow dem. And Sophia Brando is wiht them ass well.

to bee cuntinued.


End file.
